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Embrace by L. D'Amico Cohen

Pain is a Circle by Kara Hash Pain is a circle; it brings you back to your starting point far too often.    It has torn me down, worn me out, brought me to a fetal position on my kitchen floor, begging any deity listening to make it stop.  I wouldn't give in; I just got back up and went on, with strength I didn't know I had.   Until the next time.   The pain of fibromyalgia has gifted me with strength, stripped me of all the excess weight in my life, and yet it is a hardship I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.   I lost the best job I ever had, was forced to sell a car I had bought to fulfill a dream, was forced to sell my beloved horse, and had to swallow my pride and apply for disability.   I went from working full time, going to school full time, working out three times a week, and riding for an hour twice a week to wondering how I was going to be able to take a shower and still have the energy to cook dinner that night.   I found myself prioritizing things like that so that I could make sure I had the energy to do what was necessary that day.    It was horrific to me, to be brought so low.   After a time, though, I realized that the pain was stripping me, burning away the bad elements and leaving me with the bones of myself.   I saw myself burned clean by the pain, made into a fibromyalgia phoenix, and I rose from the ashes of my old life to take this new one by the throat.     Pain is a circle within the circle of life.  Find your starting point, and make a nest- you will rise from it as your own phoenix soon.

Pandora's Box by Arlene McGinness Who knows how I ended up with M.E. – illness, depression, eating disorders, not taking care of myself?  However it happened, when I took M.E. my own Pandora’s Box was opened.  When I tell people about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome they think I mean I am a bit tired, and they say “I have that too; I just get on with things”.  But M.E. is so much more than that.  It’s an uncertain experience of pure exhaustion; of infections and allergies and muscle weakness, and new unexpected symptoms.  I don’t know whether the symptoms are the worst thing, or whether it is not knowing what will come next or if I will ever lead a relatively normal life again.  Here is my life: I spend most of my time housebound; I am exhausted every single day; I achieve little in comparison to a ‘normal’ person; I am in pain; new symptoms appear from time to time and rarely go away.  I am 27 years old and my M.E. began almost a decade ago.  I have slept through years of my life, and I have to deal with the knowledge that I may never recover. However, life can’t exist without balance, and so the experience of M.E. hasn’t been all bad.  I have met people I wouldn’t have met otherwise.  I have taken up meditation and begun to explore other non-traditional means of improving my quality of life.  I have learned empathy for other peoples’ suffering.  I have started to appreciate simple things. Everything has changed since I first began having symptoms.  There are times of such black hopelessness that I think I will never have hope again.  In those times all I can do is try to remind myself that the sun will always rise again.

Graceland by Jane Luft It was June, 1998 and my husband & I were excited to have his cousin from Germany and his wife visit us. We met them at O’Hare airport in Chicago, spent the weekend there, and then came home to St Louis, only to depart to Memphis the next day. We visited them in 1993 and they took us on a tour of several castles of their king, so we thought it would be fun to show them the “castle” of OUR “king”. The power went out in Memphis the morning of our pilgrimage to Graceland. We sat outside the museums, sodas in hand, waiting for the power to return. As we sat at the table, amidst great conversation and laughs, I had my arm resting against the table edge with my cup elevated about 3 inches above the tabletop. Then it happened, the cup completely dropped out of my hand. I’d had a strange tingly feeling in my right arm a few times before, but didn’t think anything of it. But today, I lost control; my fingers just let go, all on their own. I was confused, even a little frightened. Since the cup was so close to the table, this incident went virtually unnoticed by my companions, but I knew something was wrong. My hand was not cooperating with my brain. By December of that year, I was completely exhausted all the time, I was working full time, napping at lunch in my office, sleeping from the time I got home until 8pm or so, arise just long enough to fall asleep on the couch and return to bed by 9. This went on for months. After many tests and evaluations, my doctor told me I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and that the “only treatment was supportive”! What? What does that mean? How quickly I learned the importance of those words. And how soon I discovered, support was hard to come by. The lack of knowledge, of both the medical profession and the general public, made understanding and compassion rare commodities for people like me. I consumed all information relating to CFIDS / ME. I was to battle this on my own and knowledge was my only weapon. I have since experienced too many symptoms to list, as I’m sure you all have. I have lost my job due to CFIDS and just try to make it through each day with some semblance of hope, dignity and purpose. My life is no longer what it was, and I fear, may never be again. But, I have also found a new me. The me that appreciates each ‘good day’ even more so then when they were all ‘good days’. The me that has hope for the future and takes each day as it comes, good or bad. The me that has learned to be more spontaneous, that I cannot plan everything, and to do the things that are REALLY important when I’m able. The me that relies on my faith, now more than ever, to get me through this devastating, life-altering illness. You will never be the same once you’re afflicted, you will never feel more isolated or alone in your life, but prayer and positive attitude carry me through, when little support is available. And to think, it all started with my trip to Graceland.